


You Will Find (My Wounds and My Weaknesses)

by FuryTigresse



Series: Devil May Cry: Song-Inspired [3]
Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Books, Canon Compliant, Devil May Cry 5 Spoilers, Diary/Journal, F/M, Family, Headcanon, Inspired by Music, Past Relationship(s), Post Devil May Cry 5, Post-Game(s), Reading, Softer Vergil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 18:11:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18878536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryTigresse/pseuds/FuryTigresse
Summary: [Spoilers for Devil May Cry 5] The book Vergil gave Nero contains hints to something that can be found in the twins' childhood house. Nero goes to investigate, and ends up finding Vergil's old journal, one he received as a child and kept even when he was in Hell.





	You Will Find (My Wounds and My Weaknesses)

**Author's Note:**

> Although I like portraying Vergil as he is in-game, I still like imagining that he wasn't always like that, and that he was a little softer before. This is an alternative to _A Time Long Since Gone_ (it's not necessary at all to read the other one to be able to enjoy this one). It was inspired by 1) a lot of other fanfics and prompts, and 2) an old song that YouTube told me I should re-listen to: _Tu Trouveras_ by Natasha St-Pier (title being literally "You Will Find"). It's a super nostalgic song for me because I used to listen to it as a kid. The song is about a couple, but if you take just a small bit of it, it can work for what I wrote here :)
> 
> Just to explain things before we start: the parts that are replaced by dashes are unreadable for Nero (either because they're torn or because they're too dirty to read). Except for writing every part by hand and scanning them (and subjecting you to my terrible handwriting), that was the best way I could portray this, and I hope it's okay with you :) Just like Nero, you'll need to guess what's missing. Each entry is separated by quotation marks.
> 
> As usual, my first language isn't English and I type pretty quickly (and it's so late here, oopsies), so let me know if you find weird sentences and/or typos :) Hope you'll enjoy it!

_(You will find) My wounds and my weaknesses_  
_Those I only say in a low voice_  
_(You will find) My slip-ups, my blunders_  
_And more love than necessary_

***

Nero closed the book with a small, but resolute nod. He glanced at Nico, who was driving, and sighed when he saw her struggling to light her cigarette. He leaned over and helped her out, lighting it for her.

"Thanks, tough guy. You gon' be fine on your own today?"  
"Yeah. You know where the house is?"  
"I've seen what's left of it two weeks ago. I'll get us there juuuust fine."  
"Good."  
"Found other clues in that book?"  
"Nothing else than the stuff I showed you. There's something in that house."  
"Ain't that the place where _he_ became Urizen?"  
" _And V_."  
"Yeah, and V."  
"It is. I'm thinking V might have been the one to leave all those hints in the book."  
"He didn't know who you were other than you had Sparda's blood though."  
"Not for me, not necessarily. Maybe for himself, or for anyone who'd find his book once he'd be gone. Look, I don't know."

He still liked to think that maybe V had a hunch about him. That he knew he was one of this lineage. If not Vergil's son, then Dante's. But maybe he really hadn't known. That was one of the reasons why he was there now. He was hoping to find an answer.

Two weeks had passed since the Qliphoth had been cut down and the portal, closed. Two weeks since he had discovered that he had a father and an uncle. Two weeks since he had lost them both. He had never had a family of his own before, and now it was gone. How was he supposed to feel about that? Sad about Dante, probably. But about Vergil? About this man who had ripped his arm off? He wasn't sure how he felt about him not being around.

But then, he had opened the book. V's book. Vergil's book. He had found poetry, as he had expected. He wasn't much of a poem kind of guy, but he still figured he should at least check it out. And at first, he hadn't noticed that the book contained more than just poems. But after a while, he had started noticing that some letters looked a tiny bit bolder than the others, retraced with ink that wasn't originally there. One here, another there... soon enough, Nero had found himself facing some kind of hint.

_Where it all began._

The first sentence he had found made sense. However, it wasn't the only one.

_The origins of a madman._

Then, several pages later:

_It was never meant to be._

And the final note, one that took almost the remainder of the book to spell out, was the one that had truly piqued Nero's curiosity.

_Find my wounds, my weaknesses, my fears and my story._

The Devil Hunter had shared his finds with Nico, who had decided that they _had_ to go to Red Grave City, to the twins' childhood house, and solve that mystery. Nero hadn't protested. He was curious too.

That was why they were now entering Red Grave City and heading towards the old house. It had been heavily damaged by Urizen, and some more by Dante - what _was_ _it_ with those two stabbing themselves in front of their family picture anyway? -, but it was still holding. Barely. Nero jumped out of the van once they were there, and he walked towards what seemingly used to be the living room.

His eyes were immediately drawn to a mostly broken, tattered cover that was lying in a corner of the room. He approached it and picked it up. Flipping it, he noticed that it was missing a lot of pages. The remaining ones were mostly torn or covered in dried blood. The first one Nero saw had neat, small cursive handwriting on it. There was a date at the top of the page, but Nero couldn't really read it since it was almost entirely torn away. He could see the year, however.

 

> _"------------------- 1985_  
>  _\----------------- since I awoke to my inner devil. It w-----blood. I want blood. And power. Humans are so weak. I don't want to be human. Mother wa-----------------she died. Why else would she not------------------me? Why else would I have needed to awaken to my power?"_

Nero blinked at the page, breathing shallow and quiet, like everything would collapse if he made too much noise. He slowly, very slowly flipped the pages until he found another entry he could actually read. Six sheets later, he found something else.

 

> _"May 6th, 1994  
>  My brother is around. Alive. But prot--------------umans. Why is he such a fool? Humans are ------------his time. Not worth our power. Such weak creatures. Yet, Dante still tries t"_

That book was Vergil's journal. Mostly torn. Because of Urizen? Because of V? Because of Vergil himself? Nero went through all the remaining pages. There were quite a few left, still attached to the cover, but he could barely read any of it. The very first page, which Nero had to carefully peel from the inside of the cover since the blood had almost glued them together, was covered in less neat handwriting than some other, later pages.

 

> _"----ther and father gave me this j---------------- my birthday! Dante is too dumb to use one, so he got som-----------------ord instead. I'll take good care of this journal. It's a gift, after all. I'll write my name on it -----------------------upid brother will say it's his even if he's not very smart."_

There were nine pages between that one and the first entry Nero had been able to read. Everything else between those was entirely covered in dry blood. Taking a closer look at the book, he could see several bits that indicated that there were more pages that were supposed to be between those, but that were missing.

Nero tried reading the rest of the pages after the entry from May 6th, 1994, but it was in vain. The pages were either missing or black with old blood. He reached the back cover with a groan.

"Fuck," he muttered. "That's it?"

He was... disappointed. And that wasn't even a strong enough word. He barely even registered that Nico hadn't followed him, choosing to stay in the van because that was _his_ family.

That... that was it. Really? A thick-covered extra bloody journal with maybe twenty mostly unreadable pages remaining in it? Nero swore again, having expected more. He closed the journal and got up. However, before he could head back, he spotted a piece of paper further ahead. He used a spectral arm to pick it up. It was a piece of the journal... and it was legible! There was some blood on it too, but he could read most of it.

 

> _"O---------------93  
>  Today's search proved fruitless. That was the last library this city had to offer, and the books mentioning my father's power were the same as all the other ones I've read before. Utterly disappointing. I suppose I shouldn't expect much from the humans. Most of them even forgot about The Legendary Dark Knight. Most of them think he's but a myth. What did father see in those fools? Why did he save them? Then again, I suppose I shouldn't complain. I wouldn't be in this world if not for such ridiculous behavior on his part._
> 
> _On another note, the librarian mentioned an island where everyone apparently worships Sparda as a god. Perhaps this is where my research should take me next. Although I highly doubt that I'll find anything worthwhile, it's certainly better than nothing. Humans who worship a demon... such primitive creatures. Why do they feel the need to create religions? If a god truly existed, then it would have spared me from discovering my inner devil so early. I thus can't be brought to believe that such a being exists._
> 
> _Tomorrow, first thing in the morning, I'll start heading to this island. The voyage will be long, but hopefully worth it. Until then, I shall rest, as it is starting to get late."_

Nero felt some hope bubble in his chest. If this page existed... then there _had_ to be more, scattered around the room. He just had to find them amongst the rubble and other pieces of junk littering the place.

His motivation renewed, the Devil Hunter started searching the room. He soon found pieces of pages, but nothing as complete as the first one he had found. Still, some of them made him question the true personality of that man he had only seen for a few minutes.

> _"-ow long will this last? ----hurts. No power, all drained from me. Can bare----------y own body. Need to escape. Yama"_

>   
>  _"Mother and father, gone. Dante, gone. All ------------- Yamato and myself. The demons are trying to ------------- need to hide and survive. It's all I can do."_

>   
>  _"-------n't borrow books since I don't live in Fortuna, but at least ----------------- at the library. It's quite the luck that the librarian here is helpful."_

>   
>  _"--------------found this book with theories about my --------------------- of fallacies, but at least it's"_

>   
>  _"days since I left the human w-----------ighting the ruler of all demons, but I failed. I lost. I'm his priso--------------scape, while I still have some power left. Mundus drains it from me everyday and"_

Nero neatly started putting every piece on the floor next to the remainders of the journal. Most entries he found were about Vergil's search for power. Those, Nero barely read, or else his eyes would have hurt with how hard he would have rolled them. But a few were about Vergil suffering. It sounded like he was a prisoner. Those ones were messier, the handwriting not as neat nor as consistent, the "ink" used looking suspiciously like old, dried blood. Even the style itself changed. Although Nero could see the top of the page, there was no date; the thoughts were shorter, as well, sometimes not complete. Sometimes they made no sense, like Vergil wasn't entirely there when he had written them. And sometimes he had to read the entry several times to figure out what words he was missing, with the blood hiding a lot of them.

> _"I'm scared. These------------------on't mean to do. Sometimes I wake up and feel my body moving by itself. Some------- I control it, but I can't resist doing some things. I don't even know how my body is mo----------- hardly hold this stylus, it hurts ---------------ndus knows I have it, but he lets me keep --------------------------defenseless, no doubt. He might be right. No power. No wea--------------trol over my own body. Everything hurts. Need to"_

He wasn't sure where to place those entries, since they had no dates. He wasn't sure what to think about them either. Obviously Vergil had been suffering while writing those. It almost made Nero feel sorry for the man as he went through the entries that described his time in Hell. Especially when he started noticing more changes than just the date and structure.

> _"---as told by Master that we will soon be departing for the human world. He recently created a she-devil and ------------roud of his work. He asked me if I have ever seen such beauty, ------------ answered that I have not, as I have no reason to lie. That seemed to please the Master greatly. -------------man world, I have to kill a certain 'Devil Hunter'. He is apparently Sparda's son, and supposedly quite strong. But Master needs not worry. No half-breed ------------------ true devils."_

The thoughts were different in some entries. Nero was starting to be able to place them in order. Vergil had first thought about fighting back. Then, he had thought about escaping. And as he had been hurt, as he had been tortured, as he had lost himself, he had eventually become another man, one who saw Mundus as his master, one who had forgotten who he truly was. Or at least Nero supposed that was the case. He didn't know much about Vergil. He wished he had asked Dante about the man, about his personality.

Then again, maybe Dante wouldn't have really known. The entries prior to Vergil being in Hell seemed to be almost... almost out of character, sometimes, or at least not appropriate for the mental picture he had of his father, from the little time he had seen - and fought - him. Weirdly enough, some of those entries were mostly intact except from being torn from the journal. Coincidence? Maybe. Most of them weren't complete, and Nero only found bits of them, with no date in sight. He'd have to find their missing parts.

> _"She smells like light. Bright, beautiful light. How can a human woman smell like light? This is ridiculous. It makes no sense. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she smells like an angel."_

>   
>  _"name is Anna. She's very helpful. I'm too tired to start searching every book about my father in this library, as it has way more than any other library I've been to before. I haven't been sleeping much. But I need this power."_

>   
>  _"November 3rd, 1993  
>  I've been having terrible dreams lately. I see Anna's smile every time I close my eyes. If I dare drift to sleep, I see that smile twist in pain and I hear her scream. It happens no matter how many times I try to sleep. I blame my human blood. It's weak. After I find my father's power, I need to find a way to get rid of this weakness."_

Nero searched more thoroughly, not even noticing that he had been at it for two hours already. Once he had the missing parts, he reconstructed the pages and checked the dates. All of them were from 1993. Seeing this made him slightly uneasy. This woman, Anna... could she be his mother? Part of him refused to probe too deeply into Vergil's thoughts. The rest of him was too curious to stop. He searched for one more hour, and gathered more pieces.

> _"She's so smart. And beautiful. This is completely ridiculous. I'm being completely ridiculous. Foolish. And yet... I can't help but think about her. I want to see her again."_

>   
>  _"I'm not quite certain how it happened, but today, I tasted her lips. They're so soft. If there is anyone up there, watching over me, please let this be real, and please let me enjoy this a little longer."_

>   
>  _"November 25th, 1993  
>  How long since I've last slept peacefully? Days? No, not mere days. Weeks, certainly. Too long. But last night, Anna let me use her guest room. There was no dream. I feel refreshed. I shall now be able to resume my research."_

>   
>  _"We've been reading William Blake's works ever since we started meeting up at her house, and I would be lying if I said that her love for poetry does not make me grow fonder of that woman. We spent hours discussing the poems. She's truly a remarkable human."_

Vergil didn't strike Nero as being very good at complimenting people, and yet there he was, speaking of this woman like she was almost a deity. There were multiple entries spread over the course of about three months, starting in November of 1993 and ending in February of 1994, all of them about Anna, about how they got closer, about how Vergil was actually hoping for better days in the future, by her side.

And then, suddenly, nothing. The next entries were about some kind of Hell gate, and Vergil finding Dante, and a man named something that Nero couldn't see because of the blood inconveniently covering the name. And then, after that, Hell. Nero hissed and got up once again, determined to find more. There _had_ to be more. There had to be a page he was missing. He started going through the room once more, searching for something, _anything_ that would tell him why Vergil had seemingly left Anna and gone off to cause chaos.

He found some pieces eventually, much, _much_ smaller than the ones he had previously gotten. They were scattered here and there, and now that Nero knew what to look for, he started spotting them more easily. He was usually not a patient man, yet he surprised himself when he suddenly noticed that the sun had moved a lot since he had started doing this. He had been there for four hours, easily. But Nico wasn't bothering him to head out, so he continued his research.

Once he had a good pile, he went back to the journal and sat on the floor next to it to try and assemble what he had. So many pieces missing.

> _"-----one in the afternoon, and I haven't eat-------------------mother would be angry if she were there t-------------------. But she isn't."_

>   
>  _"Even if I weren't pursued by demons, I would never work customer service. Humans are awful to each other."_

>   
>  _"December 8th, 1990  
>  I'm never going to that place again. Their tea is barely more than hot water with leaves in it. It's ridiculous. I had no idea anyone could even mess tea up so much. Even stupid Dante used to make better tea when mother would let him"_

Some of them actually made Nero chuckle a bit. Vergil apparently had strong opinions about almost everything. A lot of entries before him meeting Anna took just a few lines and were only there because Vergil had felt the need to complain about something. But, although Nero really enjoyed these, he was a lot more curious about the deeper entries from after Vergil had met Anna.

> _"I wonder if father saw in mother the same light I see in Anna."_

>   
>  _"What if the demons find me? I can't let them hurt her."_

>   
>  _"When she's in bed by my side, I can feel her warmth. She's there, alive, and so real. Please, please let this be real."_

>   
>  _"I don't want to lose her."_

Bits and pieces, reassembled, formed bigger entries sometimes. Nero stared at the completed page in his hands, one he had painstakingly assembled from six different pieces he had somehow managed to find in the room. He had gone and taken some transparent tape from the van to hold them together. Somehow the pieces had been spared from the blood and the text was fully legible. There was writing on both sides of the page.

One side was full of hope.

> _"February 17th, 1994  
>  Anna said that I can stay with her for as long as I desire and, this time, she didn't only mean the house, but herself. She wants me to stay by her side. I'd be honored to do so. She's a great woman. Lately, however, she's been feeling a bit ill. I hope she's okay. I'll go to the bookstore to buy some books and try to find what ails her. Maybe I should go tomorrow, while she's working. I wouldn't go when she's home. Why waste time that I could spend with her?_
> 
> _I'll just have to be careful. I don't want people to be able to really recognize me. But whatever happens, I'll find a way to make her feel better. I don't care what it takes. If I am to spend my life by her side, I have to do my part too._
> 
> _I'm rambling. How unlike me. Then again, I've said and done a lot of things that are unlike me lately. Anna really has me tamed._
> 
> _I don't mind it."_

The other side, however, was what Nero had been searching for and assembling dozens and dozens of pieces to try and find.

> _"February 19th, 1994  
>  They found me. I didn't think they would, not so easily, not so fast. Yet, yesterday, after I came back from the store, there were demons all around Anna's house. They know where I've been staying. Luckily, Anna was at work. However, I didn't dare go to her. What if more demons followed me? I couldn't bring them to her._
> 
> _It was ridiculous of me to believe that this would ever work out. If there truly is someone up there, watching my actions, they must be laughing at my foolishness._
> 
> _I slayed the demons around her house, at least. But I'm never going back. I can't risk it. She's just a human woman. Weak. Defenseless. I can't protect her. Not the way I am today._
> 
> _I need more power."_

Nero read both sides, again and again. Twice, three times. Vergil had been... different, once. More hopeful. Less bitter. More innocent, maybe. Certainly less destructive. For some reason, Nero could almost hear V's voice when reading those last entries. Maybe because it was the more human side of Vergil who had fallen for that woman.

He spent a few minutes thinking, after being done reading the entries for the fourth time. Then, he slowly placed the page with the others, where it belonged, between a description of a peaceful evening between Vergil and Anna, and some rambling about power. It was soon after those that Vergil had fallen prisoner to Mundus. He really hadn't known that he even had a son, then. Only Dante had known, and only after seeing the Yamato's reaction. And the bastard had chosen not to tell him. Nero was still wondering why.

But for now, he had enough answers to feel satisfied.

He kept the pages with him as he walked back to the van. Maybe there were more entries, but he'd leave those untouched. He didn't need to know every single thought Vergil had ever had. What he currently had would be plenty enough to give him shit when he'd come back from Hell - he _knew_ those two would come out someday - and smack him in the face for being an asshole. But after that, he'd give the man a hug and welcome him.

V was Vergil, and Nero remembered the frail man's words. He had wanted to be protected and loved, but he had been alone, and the only thing he could do was to survive. Now, Nero knew that Vergil had found peace before it had been brutally torn from him. Bitterness had marked the half-demon. Years of torture and enslavement had scarred his soul deeply. He wasn't a good man by any stretch of the imagination, but trying to understand him was the first step in trying to forgive him.

Until then, Nero would read those entries again, and feel better knowing that he had a family now, one he could actually learn more about. That was more than he had ever even hoped for.


End file.
